KFC Review –Square Aristotle, Thessaloniki, Greece – 17/09/23
Summary
Chicken 19/20
Sides 7/10
Service 6/10
Magic 9/10
Total 41/50
The story
Thessaloniki is a city rich in historical gravitas, archaeological variety, and natural beauty. It’s long been a melting pot of cultures, having been at varying times a significant centre for the Ancient Greeks, a capital of the Byzantine Empire, the only city in Europe with a majority Jewish population, an outpost of the Ottoman Empire, and more recently modern Greece’s second city. Each of these distinct phases, and cultures, have combined to create an environment and atmosphere that is both singular and brilliant. That the tide of this history has reached its high-water mark in the KFC majestically nestled in its centre in Aristotle Square, is a fitting culmination.
We visited Greece to celebrate a friend’s wedding and took in many of the stunning experiences that the country has to offer before taking the trip back to Thessaloniki. We’d been to the city before while we were still poor students and were looking forward with high expectation to getting back with the resources to enjoy the city more fully. We were not disappointed. From the Gregorian chanters belting out Simon and Garfunkel, to the beautiful weather, and gorgeous local food, the city pulled out all the stops. The KFC delivering a tour deforce was the icing on the cake. As Aristotle said, “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” KFC Thessaloniki served soul on a plastic tray.
The order
We ordered four pieces of original recipe, two chips, a large gravy, three cokes (somehow), and a bottle of water. After the bizarre menu options that had haunted our KFC grand tour, to get back to the basics was a welcome relief. That 0 plus a day was offered would have been a disappointment if it wasn’t also a return to tradition.
This set us back 25.60 euro, which was a little on the step side, but a fair price to pay for excellence.
Chicken –19/20
We poured libations, burned the thighs of fat oxen, and scattered the entrails of birds to please the gods and were rewarded by a return to good old-fashioned chicken on the bone. Zeus also blessed us with cooks who knew what they were doing. The pieces were cooked to perfection. Tender and chewy in the right places and right measure. Crispy skinned and coated to perfection. The pieces themselves were a fantastic mix, featuring three ribs and a forgotten fourth portion. If a baseball had have featured a perfect 20 would have been a genuine possibility, but unfortunately it was not to be this time.
Sides – 7/10
The sides were good without being exceptional. The chips were more like McDonalds chips than any that I’ve ever had at KFC before. This isn’t necessarily slanderous (as most comparisons to that creepo clown would be) because the chips are undeniably the highlight of a McDonalds. That also means that they have a high floor and low ceiling. Like Icarus, if you don’t risk disastrous lows you can’t reach dizzying highs and so a worldy score is immediately sacrificed.
The gravy was certainly grease based and raised the whole experience accordingly. Proving once again that simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. Coke being back on the menu rather than pepsi was also a massive boon. How we got three of them remains a mystery.
Service – 6/10
The only downfall of KFC Thessaloniki was the service. The staff were plainly well informed and well dosed on the product, and they made a solid effort in dealing with the many foreigners in attendance. They were also, however, slow af and left me waiting for what felt, with the hunger that I had in tow, like hours. As previously indicated, they also somehow gave me 4 drinks which, while understandable given my inability to pronounce ‘thank you’ in Greek, was also the only disappointment of the visit.
Magic – 9/10
To quote the big man again, Aristotle famously said that “the aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.” He could have been talking about the work of the Colonel, one great man to another, when he said it. Any old schmuck can fry a piece of chicken, stick it in a bucket and call it KFC, but to do it with the reverence that it deserves creates a metamorphosis worthy of reams of philosophising. The inside of the restaurant was the ideal combination of greasy, seedy, and clean. Our fellow dinners represented a whole cosmos of oddity. Most significant though was the exquisite alfresco dining area sat smack bang in the main public square which was at the time hosting some sort of car rally / drum and base event. To be intoxicated by diesel fumes and serenaded by Pendulum while enjoying our exquisite meal was truly the cherry on top of what was a magical visit. We will be back.
Mingin or Finger lickin?
Finger Lickin 🙂
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