KFC Review –Argyle Street, Glasgow, Scotland – 19/07/23
Summary
Chicken 14/20
Sides 2/10
Service 8/10
Magic 4/10
Total 28/50
The story
Located in the Glasgow Central UK Parliamentary Constituency, (a seat won decisively and currently held by the Scottish National Party’s Alison Thewliss), KFC Argyle Street Glasgow was a place that I looked forward to visiting with particular expectation. As the erudite reader will not need to be reminded Glasgow is a city that has contributed in diverse colours to the word’s cultural palette. From the homonymous coma scale, through the deep fried Mars bar, the invention of the succulent chicken tikka masala (RIP), to the prodigious combination of sporting rivalry, football hooliganism and sectarian violence, Glasgow is a place where the simple pleasures in life are attended to with a level of devotion not common in this day and age of the world. Arriving in Glasgow packing a mighty hunger after an overnight ferry from the beautiful Shetland Islands, followed by a quick rumble down the train line from Aberdeen, it was my sincere hope to see this Glaswegian piety applied by KFC Argyle Street in the service of the Colonel’s secret recipe.
The order
As previously indicated, this review is being transcribed a little after the exact date of the visit to Argyle Street KFC, so some of the points of minute detail have been lost to time. I will swear on the grave of the great man himself that the judgment passed below is as accurate as if it had been transcribed by a court stenographer as I ate.
I ordered a two-piece box, with chips and a drink (sparkling water) and of course a side of gravy to wash it down. I also ordered a corn of the cob to get one step closer to the ever-elusive 5+ a day. My beautiful wife ordered a chicken tenders box (which I scavenged a bit of) as well as a side of sweet chilli drenched chicken extrusions. She claimed to have never had this before but the memoried reader will recall that she had it at KFC Westmoreland Street in Dublin last year.
Figuring out the cost of the order is job for Scooby and the gang.
Chicken –14/20
Being a traveller in a foreign land I was conscious of the need to be a gracious and unassuming guest. I, therefore, did not make my usual specifications and got stuck with the dreaded thigh as one of my two pieces. The thigh was accompanied by a drum, as well as the previously mentioned scabbed tender, and sweet chilli extrusions.
For all of the song and dance that I make about not liking thighs I will still eat them when push comes to shove. Like an explorer lost in the desert needs must lead one to sup at even the foulest of pools. And as foul pools go, this was one of the best I’ve ever slurped from. The usual slime level was mercifully reduced and the coating maintained its crunch and consistency throughout. Which is not to say that it approached the level of a rib or a baseball, but expectations were certainly exceeded.
The drumstick was fairly middle of the road and did its duty without going above and beyond. Likewise, the tender did as a tender does, and delivered a hint of the secret herbs and spices sprinkled over an unnatural level of crunch. The actual chicken content could have had a bit more chew but was certainly not problematic.
The sweet chilli extrusions were, however, an unacceptable addition to the table. A sacrifice on the altar of novelty, they don’t do what KFC chicken should do. They put centre stage the sauce rather than the Colonel’s secret recipe or the bird itself. The only liquid that should have any call to prominence inside a KFC is the gravy, and this science experiment gone wrong has no business in putting itself forward like it does. This pulled back a few marks that would have been earned by the surprise package thigh.
Sides – 2/10
After the rapturous welcome that corn on the cob received at KFC M4 West Reading Services, I was unsurprised but still gratified to find it as an option in Glasgow. After a little sleuthing I had discovered that all KFCs across the UK and Ireland are managed under the same umbrella and so have the same menu options, layouts, etc. This undeniably worked to the detriment of KFC Argyle Street. It didn’t have the benefit of providing a pleasant corny surprise, but did find still smouldering the coals of the resentment that I still harboured towards the substandard offerings at Reading. KFC Argyle Street stoked these coals back into a flame by serving up a tub of peppered slop labelled as gravy and slivers of microwaved cardboard as chips. Sparkling water was, however, gratefully received.
Service – 8/10
The standout feature of KFC Argyle Street was undoubtably the service. The processes of both ordering and receipt were smooth and efficient. The restaurant was packed, and so there was understandably a short wait required before collecting my order. What I observed was a staff who were informed, enthusiastic, and exacting. That the product had its obvious weaknesses I’m perfectly comfortable with blaming that on the boffins at head office after what I saw at Argyle Street.
To illustrate the point, a customer who had received their order before me and didn’t like their allocation of chicken cuts took the box back to the counter to ask for pieces to be swapped. The ginger teenager manning the till politely accepted the invitation to negotiate, explained the strictures that regulated the distribution of chicken pieces, and settled the trade to the satisfaction of both parties. I watched on, appreciating the performance of a master at work. It was also a bit gross seeing bits of chicken go back into the warmer after being haggled over though, so a few points are lost on that count.
Magic – 4/10
I’d come to Glasgow expecting big things that KFC Argyle Street was unfortunately not able to deliver. Like Alsion Thewliss’s presumed reaction in the Scottish people voting down the opportunity for independence when it was presented to them on a silver platter, the experience was a significant disappointment. Maybe it’s a general preference for home grown greasies, or maybe it’s Tennent’s numbed tastebuds, but the package lacked the verve to lift it beyond the workaday.
For any of my readers who are constituents of Alison’s who would like to peruse her political views ahead of the 2024/25 general election please see linked here:
http://www.alisonthewliss.scot/breastfeeding-at-football/
Mingin or Finger lickin?
Mingin 😦
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