New Plymouth – 7/4/23

Summary

Chicken           17/20

Sides                5/10

Service            4/10

Magic             4/10

Total                30/50

The story

I’ve always found it slightly bizarre that the day memorialising the crucifixion of Jesus Christ is called Good Friday. Surely, they could have saved ‘Good’ for another day of the process. He rose from the dead only a couple of days later after all. Good Sunday has a ring to it. And then they would have been free to name the Friday more appropriately. Frightful Friday, Fink Friday, Fubar Friday, Flagellation Friday, or even Faecal Friday might have been a better fit.   

So it was on a Fubar Friday that I arrived in New Plymouth on the west coast of the North Island of New Zealand. I travelled for the wedding of my cousin, and while there I had the opportunity to visit the local KFC. In the spirit of confusion, no doubt inspired by the incongruity of the naming of the day New Plymouth KFC delivered one of the most fluctuant performances seen in the history of KFCreviews.com. The experience starting badly, finished worse, but was nailed (no pun indented) in the middle, to just squeeze onto the finger lickin end of the leader board.  

The order

Like the women who went looking for Jesus in his tomb, I arrived to an empty hole. Signs were postered both in and outside the building advertising that most of the menu was unavailable. 

When we did manage to negotiate an order, I ended up with 2 two-piece quarter packs and, for the sheer novelty of it a small hot and spicy popcorn chicken.  I’m not usually a popcorn chicken fan, but this isn’t a menu option at my local, so I thought I’d live on the wild side and splash out. 

All of this came to the price of $30.47 NZD. Reasonable with a slight inclination towards the steep side, but with inflation what it is, I’ll take it without complaint.  

No thighs and extra seasoning were obviously specified. 

Chicken –17/20

I’ll cut right to the chase here, the chicken was very good and saved this otherwise pale mirage of what a KFC can be. 

One of the many advantages that New Zealand has over Australia is the two-piece quarter pack. The Australian minimum piece count in a boxed meal is three. Unless you’ve got a mighty hunger this is one piece too many. It’s a little understood fact that in spite of the availability of the two-piece pack in New Zealand and not in Australia, Aotearoa still outperforms the lucky country in the CIA World Fact Book obesity tables by a healthy 1.8%. Science is still grappling with the causes of this phenomenon, although perhaps it’s due to the superiority of the NZ chicken. Crispy in the right places, tender where it ought to be, and flavoursome throughout, there was very little to criticise. It was fresh, tasty, and the right size. The grease level was about right, although perhaps leant a smidgeon into slime. I was given a rib and a drum which isn’t the perfect pairing but does rate a fair B. All and all the start of the show performed. It wasn’t able to lift those around it out of the bit parts that they were doomed to play, but it fought its fight admirably.

The popcorn chicken was a very pleasant surprise. My usual criticism of popcorn chicken is that it’s garbage. To be more specific, it’s chicken nugget type sludge meat (not necessarily a criticism) but pressed into such a small package that 90% of the final product is coating. That coating obviously absorbs the oil that it’s cooked in and to me that becomes the overpowering end product. You can imagine my pleasant surprise then to find larger globules that tasted of chicken sludge plus hot and spicy coating. I don’t really love the hot and spicy, but still definitely a step above the usual popcorn chicken offering.  

Sides – 5/10

What few sides were available on the menu were a mixed bag. The bread rolls were stale, and the gravy was both gelatinous and flavourless. The chips though were reasonable, nothing to rave about, but not letting the side down, and salted to an inch of their lives (i.e. appropriately). Also, a big tick for serving Coke over Pepsi and giving out cans rather than yucky post mix.  

Service – 4/10

It was the end of what I’m sure was a big day, half the menu was gone, and the place looked like it had been blown half to bits by one of those scary angels that you can’t do a skanky version of for Halloween. But all the same, the service was chaotic and confused. The list of missing items grew throughout the ordering process and the lady at the till looked utterly bemused that we wanted to be there at all. For our first, and most significant, introduction to the community and environs of New Plymouth a lot was left to be desired.    

Magic – 4/10

Similarly, the magic was lacking. Maybe it was because we were the only people there, maybe it was because I couldn’t relax is the grubby booth that was the cleanest seating option available, maybe it was the hovering shadow of the knowledge of Christ’s crucifixion, but the vibes were off. The flair and panache were missing. Although some points were clawed back for the variously misspelled missing menu item lists that papered the restaurant (sorry for not getting photos). 

Ultimately the experience as a whole was a letdown, mercifully resurrected by the strength of the chicken on offer. Like riding a public bus, we got from point A to point B, we got there in the least style and comfort possible, but at least we got there in. 

Mingin or Finger lickin?

Finger lickin – just 😐