Summary
Chicken 18/20
Sides 8/10
Service 8/10
Magic 8/10
Total 42/50
The story
As some of you may be aware, the distance between Dublin (my last review) and Gore (my hometown and home to the (to date) most favourably reviewed KFC in the world) is considerable. Because of this, Katie and I decided to throw a party on New Year’s Eve in the deep south of New Zealand to celebrate our recent wedding with those that couldn’t make the main event. This plan also allowed us the added bonus of an opportunity to visit the world’s southernmost KFC.
Variously described as the Chernobyl of the south and the arsehole of the world, as well as being recently voted the shitest town in NZ, it’s fair to say that not everyone has the palate to appreciate the charms of Invercargill. Prominent among those charms is the more southerly of the town’s two (!!) KFC franchises. South Invercargill KFC is located on a 500 square meter block of fun. Opposite the home of Southland Rugby (the imaginatively named Rugby Park), down the road from splash palace, and beside a mammoth liquor store, we arrived on a gorgeous New Year’s day with just the right amount of both hunger and hangover to truly appreciate a greasy bucket of the good stuff.
With us we brought under major and minor duress respectively two good friends, both French, both more familiar with foie gras than fried chicken, and neither acolytes of the great man. Q******* has spent enough time with us to have been dragged along before, but for C***** this was her very first time to set foot in a KFC. It took a good amount of cajoling to make it happen, but we got there in the end.
The order
There was a little bit of negation required here, but we got to a reasonable place in the end. Our order consisted of a 10-piece family feast, two tenders, and a slider. The family feast had 10 pieces of chicken (gold star to you if you guessed that already), a large potato and gravy, two large chips (with extra seasoning of course), and a 1.5 litre of L&P.
The price of this feast was an extremely reasonable $53.46NZD (or $51.65 AUD). Compared to the $47.71 AUD it took to get a feed for two people in Dublin, I’m sure you’ll agree that South Invercargill KFC can pat itself on the back for the value that it’s delivering to hard working Invercargillites. There was even a wee bit of chicken left over to bring home to my little brother. Bargain.
Chicken –18/20
The chicken was lit.
I’ll start at the bottom and work my way up. The slider was a rookie move, ordering something that’s fundamentally pointless because it has some greenery involved. However, as a gateway drug I let it slide in. First taste is free, that’s how they get ya. Waste of table space but we’ll call it break even.
The tenders tasted like tenders. You could see this as either a positive or a negative. It’s like McDonalds. Everywhere you go they’ll be the same in every way. They will taste like nothing other than the sauce you drench them in, and you’ll move on. You could see that as a positive, but I certainly don’t. Minus 1 mark for their continued existence.
The real star of the show was of course the 10 pieces of original recipe, and the 11 secret herbs and spices. Magnifique. We went to South Invercargill KFC on the shoulder of the lunch rush and were rewarded amply for perfect timing. We got chicken that had been cooked fresh about an hour ago, leaving just enough time to cool from sizzling to warm, and to dry from dripping to basted. All and all, it was almost perfect. One minor critique that I will offer though is on the texture of the chicken itself. It was cooked to the textbook, but the textbook also used to say that the earth was flat. Gotta dry it up a bit to get some extra chew, but all and all a fantastic job.
Sides – 8/10
We only had three sides but each was a fantastic example of its archetype. The chips were fresh, crisp, and salted (to my taste) to perfection. Now my taste is not everyone’s, and can only come about after demanding extra seasoning, but sometimes you need to put yourself first.
The potato and gravy was described by one of the party as ‘tasteless’. However, if you were to ask a blind person to describe a rainbow they’d struggle, and it wouldn’t make the rainbow any less beautiful. To my mind, the gravy to potato ratio was masterful and the texture and colour were both well pulled off. In fairness to our unimpressed friend, the flavour wasn’t the kaleidoscope that I’ve known it to be in the past, so full marks are not given.
Finally, for a drink we were lucky enough to get that great kiwi delicacy, L&P. It was tasty and refreshing but I made the big mistake of looking at the nutrition label on the back and now I have diabetes. Another mark deducted.
Service – 8/10
I was asked by C***** what the minimum age is that someone can work in New Zealand. This was because the staff member who served us appeared to be 12 years old. On researching the matter further, I discovered that there is no minimum age below which you cannot employ someone in New Zealand, with a few exceptions. One of those exceptions is that someone must be at least 15 years old to work on a logging site. Presumably due to a likely lack of upper body strength. Another exception is that you must be at least 14 to be employed as a babysitter. This is because it’s illegal to leave a child under 14 unsupervised. There appears then to be a loophole. If, rather than paying for babysitting, a parent can find employment for their 12-year-old, they are able to turn what would otherwise have been an unprofitable entry on the expense line into an entry on the income line. They can do this while still ensuring that their child doesn’t electrocute themselves or eat all of the biscuits in the house. Ingenious. And quite probably what we witnessed at KFC South Invercargill.
As well as this impressive regulatory dexterity, the service was strong. The employee in question couldn’t fathom the French accent but was ok with a Gore twang. The food arrived reasonably swiftly, and the restaurant was staffed to the gunnels to keep things ticking over. I did see a manager/babysitter scold a team member for resting the full chip box on the chip warmer though, which I thought was a bit harsh. All and all well done though.
Magic – 8/10
South Invercargill brought the heat to the magic show too. Primarily in the shape of an exquisite example of modern instillation art (which I unfortunately forgot to photograph). The installation consisted of barricade tape wrapped around a series of traffic cones circling an internal table and a large pane of broken glass. The way that the broken window and barricade tape circling a corner of the restaurant made comment on the intersection of grass roots anger and the imperial bent of global capitalism speaks volumes, and significantly added to my chicken eating experience.
But even so, the real magic was the friends that we made along the way. C***** went from refusing to eat any chicken to going back for seconds and pronouncing it a 9/10 (just the meat itself though, I’ll shield you dear reader from some of her other comments), and Q******* participated with an enthusiasm that I wouldn’t have believed if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. Granted I was both applying the pressure on them to do so, and driving the car that was their only way of getting home, but still, I believe in my heart that the enthusiasm was genuine.
Mingin or Finger lickin?
Finger lickin 🙂 +
*Note
Names and faces are withheld to shield identities from the foreign intelligence arm of the Académie Française.
KFC Reviews 